I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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