What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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