I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
