all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
