you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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