After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
im on a boat
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