Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize