to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
