What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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