Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize