He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
