he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
