my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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