I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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