At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
