Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am never drinking with the goths again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
