I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
