I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
