quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
