There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
