Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
