my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
