I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
