I accidentally had phone sex last night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
