i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
