moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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