How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
