Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize