On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
