It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
