$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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