By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
