I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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