Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
