Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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