I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
