its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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