well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
