maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
