i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
