I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
