just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
