I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
