i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
