It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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