I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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