even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
