NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
