The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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