yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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