I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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