Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize