the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
