I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
