Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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