HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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