I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Boobs are out for the taking
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
