apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
