East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Go christen that room with your naked body.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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