i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
