shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
