About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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