i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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