so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im holly from the hills drunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
