How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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